Democrazy

If we left it up to a majority vote, we'd still be living in caves.

The First Human Tribe

250,000 years ago, deep in the jungles of Africa, or maybe the savannah, a little monkey was born that was not quite like the other little monkeys. This little monkey in particular had defective DNA. The code of life that tells the body’s cells how to work had made a mistake. Instead of the defective DNA hindering our little monkey friend, it gave it an extra edge for survival. We’re not exactly sure which gene or which chromosome was changed, but there is speculation that it had to do with brain size and mental capacity. Whatever it was, it helped our monkey survive and become more attractive to the opposite sex. Our monkey took advantage of the situation, mated, and produced children with the same defective gene that gave the monkey a better chance to survive. These monkey children were different enough from the rest of the monkeys that they became something else entirely. This was the first tribe of humans.
If you’ve ever seen chimpanzees hunting as a group on the Discovery Channel, you have a pretty good mental image of what the first tribe of humans acted like. There are two main differences between the chimps on TV and the first tribe of humans. For starters, they are a lot hairier than we were. Though we were most likely hairier, the first tribe looked distinctively human. If we saw them today we would probably tell them that they looked like cavemen. We would be right.
The second difference is that the first tribe of humans were much better at hunting than the chimps on the discovery channel. There is speculation as to whether this is because of increased mental capacities or better communication skills.
No matter what made that tribe of humans better hunters, they quickly replaced the monkeys they had just evolved from. These monkeys didn’t really look like monkeys, they looked a lot like us. The scientists call them Homo Erectus. They also italicize their name for some reason. I just call them Erectus. And yes, the name has lended itself to numberless jokes. We don’t know whether the first human tribe directly killed Erectus or if they just hunted better and ate all of Erectus’ food and took the best hunting grounds. Either way, Erectus died out shortly after humanity was born.
Here is a brief history of the late great Homo Erectus. Chimpanzees and Humans share a common ancestor from about 3.5 million years ago. We know this because of DNA. DNA changes very slowly, but it also changes very punctually, give or take a few thousand years. Scientists can look at DNA from humans and chimpanzees and tell how many differences exist in DNA’s code. Because the mutations happen punctually, that is, they happen every so often and always at about the same intervals, scientists can determine how long it’s been since chimps and humans have shared a common ancestor. The time of our most recent common ancestor would have marked the time that Chimp’s ancestors and Humanity’s ancestors took different evolutionary paths.
From what can be told, 2.5 million years of evolution later, about 1 million years ago, the monkeys that would eventually become humans evolved into Homo Erectus. Erectus evolved in Africa, but the species migrated and settled throughout the world with the exception of the Americas and Antarctica. It is disputed, but some archaeologists have found evidence that Erectus was the first to control fire and make tools. These were traits that the first tribe of Humans took with them when they became their own distinct species.
Different groups of Erectus lived in different geographical parts of the world. Over hundreds of thousands of years, these different geographical groups evolved differently. Some became Neanderthals, some became Humans, and, though it is disputed, some archaeologists claim to have found Hobbits on islands in East Asia. These groups lived in different parts of the world until they naturally became extinct or until they came into contact with Humans. After contact with the Humans, the Humans either outright killed them all or just took their traditional sources of food. Scientists are fairly sure that there was no interbreeding that has produced mixes of Humans and any other descendants of Erectus, though some scientists have not given up and are still looking for evidence.
Erectus evolved into Humanity and over the course of the next 250,000 years Humanity has become the dominant lifeform on planet Earth. Humans have been writing for less than 6,000 years, so there is a lot that we don’t know about our own Human history between that first Human tribe and the present. We do know that the tribe grew, it separated, and fanned out to every part of the planet Earth and have even visited the Moon. Now, in the present day, for the first time in 250,000 years, the separation that occurred when the first tribe of Humans split is about to be rejoined. Globalization, the accessibility of the internet in the farthest reaches of the globe, and communication among different cultures is bringing humanity together in an unprecedented way. In many ways, we are once again one tribe. For the second time in our history, Humanity is joined as one tribe working together for the same goals.

Never Too Late For Good Ideas

I should have submitted a car to the Pinewood Derby that was only carved enough to fit wheels on and written on the side with a black Sharpie would say, "Winning Isn't Everything."

Idea

If the only phrase that, according to Kurt Vonnegut, Americans can agree on is that “Sugar is sweet,” then I would go so far as to say that the whole world can agree that sugar is sweet. If that is the only thing that unifies humans on planet Earth, I think that’s a pretty good starting point. In fact, I would like to give a sweet, a chocolate, to every person on the planet. A giveaway of this magnitude has never been done before, but I believe that with current technologies there can be a global distribution system that reaches every person in the world.

Worcester 2

When I think of life and death I imagine myself as a snowman looking at the ocean.

Worcester

I feel like a DJ at a college radio station: No one is listening to me.

Gold teeth and a curse on this town

In 2002 I was watching MTV 2 and a video came on for a song called “New Slang” by the Shins. There is something so rustic yet so modern and, to quote another, “so nostalgic about a time that wasn’t that good anyway.” I fell in love with the song. I told everyone I knew about it and everyone told me it was a bad song. That was okay because I didn’t need validation from others to like a song. I downloaded the song and for the next few years I listened to it off and on.

Once it came out on DVD, I saw Garden State. Natalie Portman’s character puts headphones on Zach Braff’s character and tells him that the song she’s listening to will change his life. The song was “New Slang” and I was happy that someone else thought it was a good song, too, and that The Shins were getting some credit for it.

Then a person who I had showed the song to earlier showed it to me and said, “This is a great song.”
“No shit,” I said, “I showed it to you 3 years ago. You said it was bad then.” Then friend after friend of mine started talking about the song. MY SONG, the song that I found that they neglected was now picked up by the masses because Natalie Portman told a guy they laugh at that it would change his life. Bullshit.