UnSummer

Enjoy yourself
Watchin all the leaves fallin
The Winter’s come
But inside the party’s still rollin
At last I’ve come
To the resolute sign of eternal
And then I run
At the sound of someone’s fun

There is no such thing as infinite

It was a little before 4 AM when I woke up and immediately started thinking about atoms. It felt like Divine Intervention was putting thoughts into my head instead of me thinking them myself. The only other time that happened was when I wrote "Everybody Wants to Be Happy." The thought was that no matter how small you get, like the size of an atom, you can still get smaller. But at some point as you keep getting smaller you'll end up the same size you are now. And no matter how big you get, gazillions of times the size of the largest galaxy, you'll eventually just end up the same size as you are now. Like it's all in a circle or a cycle. It was very odd. There's no such thing as infinite.

Judge Me

Our grandfathers told us
of the glory of war
Now there’s nothing left
Worth fighting for
Freedom we have
Gold we have made
Won quite hard
From an ancestor’s raid
Now that we all
Have just what we need
The only thing left
To fight for is greed

When I Say Hillshire, You Say Farms......

Hillshire!

If you are reading this blog, you are my friend. If I'm friends with you, you probably just said "Farms" out loud.

If you said "Farms" out loud, congratulations, we can still be friends.

If you didn't, you were probably just an acquaintance anyway.

One Ring To Rule Them All.....

Gandalf and Pippin are waiting for war in Minas Tirith. Aragorn, Gimli, and Legolas have just gone through the Paths of the Dead. Merry has hidden himself and is on his way to war with the Rohirrim. Frodo has been poisoned by Shelob and taken prisoner by the enemy. Sam is alone in the land of Mordor and has the Ring.

In other words, shit is about to hit the fan.

Shauna's poem

I tried to write you a poem but I couldn’t come up with anything. So, a simple I love you will have to do.

American Dream

My ancestors came here less than two hundred years ago. Ancestor is a misleading word. When I think ancestor I think of people in togas, hunter-gatherers, and people in caves. Ancestor might not be the best word for what I’m describing. Let me start over.

My family came here less than two hundred years ago. Where’s “here?” Different branches of my family landed at Ellis Island and then went straight to Philadelphia. Others reportedly owned slaves in the antebellum South, but I think my Grandmom might be making that up. Some family even went to Cleveland. So when I say “here,” I mean America, even though I’ve only been in a small corner of it excluding a few trips to Disney World.

My family came here less than two hundred years ago. But that’s pretty unremarkable. The first colony in what became America was only founded 400 years ago. That seems like a long time, but Baghdad was founded somewhere around 8,000 years ago. Most people didn’t get here 400 years ago, so I’m going to estimate and say we showed up around 200 years ago. Whether it’s 200 or 400, it’s a drop in the bucket of the history of civilization and even less in the history of humanity.

My family came here less than two hundred years ago. And now I’m supposed to be worried about America’s spot in the world. I’m supposed to be worried that superpower America might not be #1. Well, I think that I’m forgetting the reason I’m here is because my great-great-grandparents ran out of potatoes. Their American Dream was not to starve to death. My American Dream, so I’m told, is a house, two cars, a career, and a vacation home. I’m not completely sold on it. Sure, a house is nice, but why would I need two homes? Why not live in a vacation house? And what about the career? I spend 10 hours a day (including commute) to pay for these things. If I were more like my grandparents, I could get by a lot easier. “Not starving” is an easy goal to achieve nowadays and it’s much more noble than “a house on the beach.”

So I’m coming to the conclusion that there is a problem between me and the American Dream. I’m not sure whether it’s me or the dream, but neither of us are very happy about it. Do you know that I can have a pizza delivered to my house from the internet? I don’t even have to leave my couch and someone will bring me a pizza. I doubt if anyone in human history has had it as easy as me. I don’t know whether that is a good thing or a bad thing.

But let’s get back to the American Dream. Is that really what people are striving for? Material possessions? I’m looking for something more substantial. Sure, I like my big screen TV, my refrigerator, my comfy couch, my bed and all the comforts that come with it. But would I miss them? I don’t know. Could I get by on a dollar a day? No, I couldn’t. But could I get by on welfare……….now that seems like a worthy challenge.

The Great Financial Crisis of 2009

I hear this word called “depression”
Which is the result of recession.
I’ve been wondering what the problem is,
The parents say, “We can’t pay for our kids,”
I say that’s fine, I don’t got none.

I’ve been hearing an awful lot about layoffs
But what about severance payoffs?
My friends are a wreck,
But they’ll get an unemployment check.
You can keep your job, I don’t want one.

And everybody’s talking about houses.
All those subprime mortgage louses.
At the salary you’re on
A 300 grand mortgage’s a con,
You can keep your debt, I don’t want none.

Homeless People Are Like A Genie in the Bottle --- Don't Rub Them the Wrong Way

I got a pair of cowboy boots the other day. There are some songs that make me want to slowly tap my feet. The slower I tap my feet, the more like a cowboy I feel. Cowboys don’t dance fast. Real cowboys sit in the corner and slowly tap their feet.

I went to the mall because they have 7 shoe stores. I started at Payless and ended at the Finish Line. That was a pun, but it’s true, so it’s even funnier. None of the 7 stores had cowboy boots. I even went into the Lady’s Foot Locker, but still no boots with spurs.

The next day at work I tried some of the specialty shoe stores they have downtown. I spent my whole lunch hour at shoe stores, but nobody had cowboy boots. When I got back to the office I put on some music and started to tap my foot, but it just didn’t feel right.

I had just about given up on my dream when I saw a homeless man sitting on the ground. I thought, “You’re complaining about not having boots, but that guy probably doesn’t have shoes,” so I gave him a quarter. He looked up mournfully and said, “Now I shall grant you three wishes,” in a crazy homeless voice. I was already walking past him when he said it, so I stopped and thought about it. I said, “I wish I had some cowboy boots.”

I didn’t notice them before, but when I made my wish the homeless man bent over, took off a pair of cowboy boots, and handed them to me saying, “You have two more wishes.” Stunned beyond belief I said, “A billion dollars and a Corvette. I wish for a billion dollars and a Corvette.” He took a pair of keys out of his pocket, got up, walked over to a trash can and picked up a briefcase. He handed me the briefcase, but he didn’t let go. We both held it and he said, “You don’t know what you’ve done. You’ve wished curses upon yourself, curses and curses. You don’t drive stick and the money will destroy you. Who can you trust now?” And he laughed.

Right before he let go of the briefcase, he leaned into me and said, “The only way this money wouldn’t curse you is if you did something good to deserve it. You had your chance, you had any wish, and you did nothing for the man who gave you the shoes off of his feet. Nobody ever helps the hand that feeds.” I thought about it and I asked him, “What about the cowboy boots?”

He said, “You didn’t really want a billion dollars and you didn’t really want a Corvette. But you really wanted those boots. You’ll be okay with the boots.” He turned around, walked into the street and was hit by a car. “I wish he had told me that first,” I said to myself.

Power Point

Power point is a great skill because it still amazes people who don't know how to use it.